“If it’s true you use broken things, then here I am Lord, I’m all yours”
Matthew West – Broken Things
Jere and I spent most of our lives pretending we weren’t very broken. That sure, we had some flaws, but not so much that we were broken.
We had it so wrong, so terribly and completely and utterly wrong.
We could not speak life or love into anyone, least of all, ourselves or our marriage, because we didn’t know life. We were living, constantly, to cover the death that we feared so much. Sure, we believed in eternal life. We believed Jesus died, once for all, for our salvation and that one day, we would be in heaven with Him. And those things are true, and we were right.
But here one earth, in the present and now, we were stuck. Rather than being ALIVE…we were dead. The earth death that subtly covered us was so incredibly overwhelming, we did everything we could to deny it, pretty it up, justify it, or just plain ignore it. The death that was actions and deeds. The death from our lips in the form of lies or pretensions or manipulations. The death that started in our thoughts that was plotting or revenge or untruths. The death that we couldn’t even see because it was so tightly tied on to every part of us. The death we would not have admitted, least of all to ourselves.
Then we just could not ignore it any longer. When Jere’s affairs came to light, I crumbled. I lay in a fetal position at first. He was pierced with his actions for the first time. And we began to move into a process with God, the Triune and mighty God standing firmly and compassionately with us on the journey of stripping and peeling and revealing.
Revealing our brokenness.
Drawing us into the surrender where we could find the balm and healing that would make us whole. Drawing us into the place of our purpose, and revealing to us that we could now speak. Speak of things we knew that only could be through our broken selves and His tender mercy as He healed us.